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I have studied human relationships my entire life. Relationships are the glue of our world, the reason for our existence. My life has been and continues to be intense and full of big, sometimes hard lessons. I will share with you what I have gleaned and hopefully open up a forum for discussion about our humanity. This is the one thing that we all have in common. I want to help in whatever way I can. As a disclaimer I need to say that the advice or opinions that I express here are only that. At the end of the day we must all make our own choices and mistakes. We are all in this together. The more dialog takes place, the more we get to know about ourselves, eachother and this crazy place that is our world. Let's create some buzz! I will always be honest with you even if it stings a little.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Hello B Keeper,
I am in the process of divorcing after a very long, unhappy marriage. I have noticed that many couples that were our friends act differently towards me since my separation. Specifically they seem stand-offish and aloof when we meet or speak. I still like them just as before but clearly the relationship has changed. What are your thoughts about how I might keep these friendships as vital as they were when I was married?

Dear Blogger,
Realtionships are constantly renewing, changing, sometimes dying. Divorce as I am sure you know, is not a "comfortable process". It is still considered "taboo" in certain circles. Chances are that your decision to "leap into the void" has brought up uncomfortable feelings for your friends. They might feel put on the spot to pick sides even if you are not asking them to do so. Also, having lived in long marriages themselves, surely there have been times where they have at least considered separation even if in secret. Your decision to follow through is most likely causing then to feel a little insecure, a little fearful perhaps, who knows,. maybe even jealous. They (and you) might not know how to shift gears having spent time in a couple's dynamic. All this and more explains their attitudes. Give it some time and MAKE AN EFFORT to STAY IN TOUCH with them even if it is awkward. Persistance will pay off in these situations. If you are honest with them about what is going on you might find that your friendship is more enhanced; closer than before. Mention that you have felt awkward and that you miss your relationships with them. Openess and honesty is always the best policy within friendships we treasure. If they do not respond, let them go. It is then time to form new friendships. Good Luck To You! ~The BeeKeeper

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